Mystical Merwin Pet Psychic, Psychic Pet March 2017

Dear Merwin,

I hope I addressed you correctly. The last time I wrote a letter to an advice columnist it went poorly. I broke some invisible rules and took a verbal beating that bordered on spiritual abuse. Anyways, here's my question for you- I have a cat named Bonkers, she's not at all like that monkey named Bonkers from your first column. Don't worry.

So, I took my cat named Bonkers to a pet psychic, who was not a cat like you- just a regular human lady pet psychic. She told me that Bonkers was Susan B. Anthony in a former life. I was wonder how cats could have past lives when they already have nine present lives. Why do you guys need so many lives? What are you doing with them?

Those aren't my real questions though, just bonus ones that I hope you can answer.

So, after I found out my cat used to be Susan B. Anthony I took her to a different pet psychic (also a regular human) and he put some crystals on Bonkers and said that it would heal her, but she wasn't in need of healing. I checked her hit points before we left and they were full. He also mentioned that Bonkers had been Anthony Wayne, the famous Revolutionary War General in a past life.

I went to a few more pet psychics and they were worthless. Nothing they said made any sense. Some of them just guessed that Bonkers was sad and she needed more crystals but not one of them was able to confirm who she was in a past life.

Can you please tell me all about Bonkers past lives? I'd like to understand her soul's path so I can better support her in this lifetime.

Thanks in Advance,


Dear Tom,

I saw that other letter you wrote. Hugo is a bit of a prick and no one at the office likes him. Please don't let him get to you, that's just what he wants.

As for your cat and her past lives, please leave them alone. As someone who is themselves a cat, I can tell you we think it's rude when people try to poke around our past lives so we often lie about them. While I do believe your intentions are good, please just give up since Bonkers will never tell you the truth.

I did visit your cat on the Castral plane and she told me the best thing you can do to support her spiritual evolution in this lifetime is to provide bacon at regular intervals. She also wants you to know that going to the pet psychic isn't the same thing as taking her to the vet. Furthermore, she doesn't like going to pet psychics all that much and wishes you would save your money for that bacon that she desperately needs in order to spiritually evolve.

I hope that helps!

As Always I Remain,

Merwin Smith, Ph.D  

Merwin Smith has been a professional psychic pet his entire life. Even though he realized his gifts at an early age, he didn't start pet psychic-ing professionally until 20 years ago.

He quickly became the darling of the pet psychic scene and was one of the most requested readers at "The Psychic Pet Pet Psychic Shack".

If you have a question about your pet, you can email Merwin at: