Community Corner May 6th Edition


The Universal Unitarian Church (located on the corner of 10th and Main) is proud to announce its annual all ages "Rocking Roll" show. This year's line up features:


Recreational Surgery

Slaughterhouse Jive


Show starts at 4 Pm. Cover charge is $5 or three squirrel heads of dissimilar sizes.
Show ends at 5:30 Pm. Bring your willingness to rock! (and $5)

Citizen's Crime Blotter (Compiled by Girl Scout Troop 436)

On April 22, 2017 local law enforcement officers were called to the home of one H.H. of 321 Riverdale Lane in response to a noise complaint. When the police arrived they found the residence empty, save for a Filipino boy tied to a St. Andrews Cross. He was unharmed but mildly drunk. The boy was released on his own cognizance. The homeowner's identity will remain unreleased until officials can confirm the identity of said homeowner.


Sally Nocummings of 435 South Street was arrested last Wednesday for not paying her child support. "I have no children, why is this happening?" she reportedly said while being led to the patrol car. Her dog was shot and her house burnt down during the incident. There has been no official statement from the Police.


Gerry Jercton was arrested on April 15th for running a red light and operating a motor vehicle under the influence of Ibogaine. He was released on bail; a preliminary trial is set for May 14th.

Novenas and Thanks

Thanks to St. Micheal for helping me recover from botulism. Praise your name and protect me in my moments of weakness. Thanks!

Thanks to St. Expedite for favors received. He knows what I'm talking about. I'm not about to broadcast my business all over the place.

To Ct'hulu: All reaching is your influence. Useless is our resistance. Remember me when you come into your full glory.

Lost and Found

LOST: Lucky Nickel- Last seen in my left front pocket. Noticed missing last night at O'Snapps Irish Pub.

FOUND: A tooth. It's not mine, that's all I know.

LOST: Carnivorous Luna Moth, answers to "Archie" but his real name is Reinhold. If seen please contact Laura from the coffee shop. Reward!

Do you have anything you'd like to let everyone know about? If so, contact the SEG Community Corner at