Me- Wi-Fi router. You- Internet signal from the cable company. When? Last night while streaming the season premier of Game of Boners. Please strengthen your signal and try to re-connect. The bald apes are growing restless.
Me- Your wife, you- my husband who left 6 years ago to get smokes and beer but never came back. FYI the dog died.
Goat Children- We tried to combine baby goats and baby people in order to create a hopping, pajama wearing, wad of adorable cuteness that would save the world from itself. It didn't work out the way we thought it would. Long story short we have 32 semi-repulsive, somewhat humanoid, horned affronts to nature that need to be re-homed. 555-325-5445. Ask for Tom and/or Carol.
Glowing mystical statue of some kind of bird. I'm not gonna lie, it's creepin' me out. $10 or OBO. Meet me under the bridge off 6th if you want to take a look at this thing.
Outdated worldview and used up opinions. I've recently read two books which radically altered and improved my life beyond measure and I need to get rid of my old thoughts in order to make room for the new ones. $5 555-325-5445 Carol (not Tom).
Newly Certified Aquatic Pet Maintenance Technician available now! I'll feed and amuse (but not take advantage of) your frog/fish/turtle while you're on vacation (or in jail). Ask for Lexi 555-956-8132
Professional Thing Toucher available for parties or quiet evenings. Get your thing touched for less! firstname.lastname@example.org
Protect your thing from un-authorized touching with my Thing Protector Service. email@example.com
Lowest price on Egyptian cotton. Squadron of fighter planes for rent. Milo 555-984-4744
Jobs Wanted /Jobs Available/Jobs Not Wanted
I don't want my job at the bubble gum factory anymore. You can have it. M-F 8-6. Just show up and tell them you're Larry now.
Call tomorrow, Start today!- Time travel opportunity is or will be soon available in your area. Don't miss out. Corner of Last St. & Chance Ave.
GST 436 seeks experienced bounty hunter. Must be familiar with Fairy law. Inquire at St. Cyprian Church M-F 7-9 p.m.
Not Wanted- Job as short order cook.
Do you have anything you'd like to let everyone know about? If so, contact the SEG Community Corner at firstname.lastname@example.org