:::::Attention!::::Big News Regarding the Future of humanity!::::Breaking News!::::
::::We Interrupt Your Personal Growth and Healing to Announce A Better Way For Me To Facilitate Your Personal Growth And Healing!::::
The Disgrace of The Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow Child Movement
Are you or someone you know an Indigo, Crystal, or a Rainbow Child? I used to think I was all of those all at once, but I have seen through my ignorance. I cannot believe I functioned under the delusion that I was somehow special because I was something as common as an Indigo/Crystal/Rainbow Child.
I, too, can be wrong sometimes. It does not happen often but I am strong enough to admit my errors. You know this about me, as I have just revealed it to you. This is not all I'm about to reveal to you.
Continue reading and revelations will happen...
Last night as I was preparing to enter the astral realm and solve your problems with my unique, revolutionary, and disruptive advice column methods and techniques, I stopped. Something felt wrong. I had the compulsion to enter my private meditation octagonal pyramid and meditate instead of entering my silver-lined rose quartz dodecca-hedral travel cave.
While I was expertly meditating I received notification from my spirit guide, Morewin, that there is a new and more advanced version of the ape we call the human being. Something better, more special, and powerful than a common Indigo, Crystal, or Rainbow Child. I have named this next version of humanity the "Ultra Violet Adult" and I am happy to inform you that I am one.
Ultra Means "Better Than"
I am sure I am not the only one, but at the moment I am the only one I know of and that is enough. It is enough both for you and for me. This satisfaction I feel stems from knowing I am at the forefront of evolution, as I have long suspected. This is fantastic news for you, someone who has not even reached the level of Crystal Child.
How do I know this? If one can't trust the phantoms and visions that arise from one's mind while meditating in an octagonal pyramid, what can one trust?
Exactly. Me. I alone can be trusted both by myself and by you. Do not forget that Nature Herself has entrusted me with heralding the next era of human potential and excellence.
At this point I am sure some of you are asking "I have read this far and there is no advice, where is the advice? I am patiently waiting for the advice that will forever alter my fate and fix my life. But I do not see it yet."
I will be honest with you. Realizing that I am an Ultraviolet Adult has forced me to step back in awe. I am in the midst of reformatting everything I thought I knew about solving your issues and petty problems.
Fixing you one-by-one is tiresome and inefficient, it is what pet psychics do.
Instead, I will address the most common problems you are suffering from in the form of an essay which will appear at consistent intervals on this very website.
Have trouble falling asleep? I just may find it in my heart to write a piece about "Having Trouble Falling Asleep? Here's What To Do About It."
Is your love life still a disaster? Look for my upcoming post about "Why You Are Unlovable and 5 Things You Can Do About It."
We will go on like this together until you are healed. As long as it takes is how long I will do it.
I know you must be enthralled at the prospect of my being able to mass-heal you through posts and essays instead of Astral visits or common terrestrial mail, but you must wait until next time.
This is just the initial announcement. Next month I will unveil the full force of my new "MK Ultraviolet Method For Mass-healing and Cooperative Evolution Method of Techniques For Influence and Engagement."
I know the prospect of waiting an entire moon cycle to become whole seems like too much for you to endure. But you have already gone your whole life broken, one more month is not too much. I assure you.
While you are waiting, I urge you to plan a trip to Florida in order to attend my "Release Your Inner Kraken" Seminar. This graphic will inform you:
You are informed. Next you will be outformed.
So far, we have had news of yet another revolutionary method of
My final bit of news for you this month is I am happy to inform you that I am going to be casting pods into the ether of the internet. That is correct! I, The Rev. Dr. Hugo Holmesnow, will now be the focus of the SEG podcast "Wizard on Whizzin'".
This is temporary until I am ready to produce my own full length show. In this case, a little taste of honey is better than none at all. I now present to you the very first installment of this life-shattering sonic blast of enlightenment:
Aside from the inadequacy of the so called host, whom I tried to work with, this is an excellent interview. You will hear about my past, present and our future. I urge you to listen repeatedly.
No doubt by now you are full. I will leave you to your inner demons.
His mystic training began at the age of four when he was accidentally left behind in the jungle while on a family vacation. Through a series of unlikely events he was eventually adopted by the local natives and trained to be a tribal shaman. After many years, Dr. Holmesnow left the familiarity and safety of the jungle to search for his family.
When he did not find them he climbed a mountain and was nearly killed in the process. The local mystic monks from the ancient monastery found him and nursed him back to health. This near death experience led him to conclude that there was more to life than what he learned from his shaman jungle training. He then began to immerse himself in the ancient mystical practices of the mountain monks. After many years he mastered them and returned to civilization. Forever changed, eternally superior.
Several weeks later he was no longer Hugo Holmesnow, son of incompetent parents. He was and, is The Rev. Dr. Holmesnow, certified life coach and inventor of the “Better Than You Superior Life Coaching System”. This system provides proven methods and techniques that are part of an overall method which contains the strategies that you need to excel, advance, achieve, attain, reach and conquer your dreams, goals, fears, hopes and desires.
In addition to creating a system of self-improvement, Holmesnow is the author of “What is Wrong With You? An Introduction to What is Wrong With You” and “Conquer Your Dreams: Defeat Your Dreams and Accomplish Your Goals”. Both are available now at Amazon in paperback and e-book formats.