Mystical Merwin Psychic Pet, Pet Psychic November 2017

Dear Merwin,I have 3 cats, 2.6 dogs (long story), a hamster, and some sort of bird. Everyone gets along pretty well considering I live in a one bedroom apartment. My question is about the upcoming holidays. There's such a mix of breeds and species, how can I celebrate this season without offending one or all of them?

2 of the cats are orange and the other is a tuxedo, so I know they come from different cultures and have different holiday traditions. I know nothing about the holidays and religious preferences of dogs, and Rosco doesn't seem too interested in celebrating the holidays in the traditional hamster manner- not that I know what that would be like.

How can I at least acknowledge the wonderful tapestry of diversity and encourage everyone to do the same without offending anyone?

Claire Laboodoo
South Dakota

Dear Claire,
Wikipedia defines psychological projection as "Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others."

As Always I Remain,

Dear Merwin,
Do all dogs really go to heaven? Asking for a friend.

Michelle's Friend in Texas.

Most of the time they do, yes. It wasn't always the case. As you may or may not know, back in 1654 there was a movement within the Catholic Church to allow dogs into Heaven, even though they don't have souls. Somehow, the movement succeeded despite being run by dogs and dog lovers.

Cats, on the other hand, go wherever they want after shedding their mortal coil.

As Always I Remain,

Sometimes, but not often, my cat "Chubs McFluffin" falls asleep with his tongue hanging out. What the hell is that about? It's adorable but goofy as hell.

Lawrence in Louisville
P.S Please excuse my language, I like to use cuss words in a casual manner.

Dear Lawrence,
I have no fucking idea why this happens. Some cats are just weirdos, the same way some people are. His behavior could be due to too much catnip, brain injury, too-big- tongueatosis, or 100 other things. As long as he's healthy and it's not causing him discomfort, let it go.

As Always I Remain,

I'm concerned about my cat "S". I've had her for many years and while she's never been what anyone would call pleasant, I have an inexplicable fondness for her no matter how much of a cranky bitch she is. Lately, I've been finding drugs hidden in the litter box (which she stopped using to litter in months ago). She's got some new friend who's always stopping over to "drop something off". I know it's drugs. When people drop off things that aren't drugs, they tell you what it is. "I'm stopping by to drop off some tomatoes because my garden made too many." Like that. Not this guy though, it's always "something".

She's also been drinking heavily. I'm going broke keeping her flush with that cat wine that's all the rage.

A few weeks ago she had a meltdown and I put her in rehab. I don't know what to do. Please help.


We all know about Stella's problems. All I can say is it's time for some tough love. She hates being cold more than anything, so why not use that to your advantage? Maybe send her on one of those camping trips where they make you live in the woods for a week with nothing but a paperclip and your wits? That ought to settle her hash a little.

As Always I Remain,

Merwin Smith has been a professional psychic pet his entire life. Even though he realized his gifts at an early age, he didn't start pet psychic-ing professionally until 20 years ago.

He quickly became the darling of the pet psychic scene and was one of the most requested readers at "The Psychic Pet Pet Psychic Shack".

If you have a question about your pet, you can email Merwin at: