Greetings, fellow agents of evolution. I know that you are aware that my evolution level is higher than yours, for your safety (you're welcome), but that should not stop me from wishing you a happy and delightful holiday season that finds you and yours full of wisdom, mushrooms, and evolution, devoid of sleep problems, and enjoying a re-invigorated love life.
As regular readers of my column, you are surely familiar with its topics.
My first gift to you this holiday season is another episode of my pod cast "The Rev. Dr. Hugo Homlesnow's Sonic Blast of Wisdom featuring me or my underlings." This time, on the 4th episode, Hack-Writer T. Volpone returns to butcher chapter 3 of my masterpiece "What is Wrong With You? An Introduction to What is Wrong With You?"
Speaking of unrecognized masterpieces, my 2nd gift to you is an invitation to purchase either one or both of my books, in either one or two formats.
The Classic aforementioned 'What is Wrong With You? An Introduction to What is Wrong With You?' can be purchased in e-book ( I refuse to refer to my books as G books, that is ridiculous) format from you favorite retailers by clicking this link.
My other book "Conquer Your Dreams: Defeat Your Dreams and Accomplish Your Goals." is the best-selling follow-up to my first book, whose title you should have memorized by now. Get the Ebook Here
If you prefer the more expensive, paper book (or 'P Books' as I have coined them), you will need to click here and here.
That was two opportunities in one gift! My, you are lucky. And about to get luckier!
"Why, a 3rd gift? Rev. Dr. Hugo, you're spoiling us." Do not be silly. You were spoiled long before you began to absorb my wisdom and teachings. If you weren't, why were you looking so desperately for someone to help you help yourself?
Gift number three is a holiday photo of me. Place it upon your altar and allow me inside your soul:
Now, this is not really a gift. It is more of an offer. The gifts were to soften you up, so you would enter my funnel. Here is the offer, which is offered in conjunction with this magazine (The Saturday Evening Ghost), sign up for our email list and you will have the chance to enter an essay contest where I will visit you (I'm only addressing the winner of said contest- which could be you) on the Astral Plane, where we will connect.
What happens in the Astral Plane, stays in the Astral Plane. ;)
Do not delay! The link is at the top of the page, remember to sign up with all of your email addresses!
Now that all the gifts and offers are out-of-the-way, you must be wondering what my wisdom will be this month. I will keep you waiting no longer:
This month is part of the Holiday Season and as such, no new wisdom should be absorbed. You have worked hard at avoiding bettering your life for so long and I have shared so much wisdom with you in the first year of being an Award Winning Columnist, and I have innovated and disrupted the field so hard, so much, that it is possible you are not sure what you're reading anymore.
This is what innovation is about.
This is what disruption looks like.
You may be feeling confused or sweaty, do not fret.
This, while not normal for all, is normal for you.
All you must do this holiday season to improve your life is to apply the wisdom you have absorbed from me. That is my true gift to you. No matter how small your absorption rate has been, trust that a Holiday Miracle will occur and make sure it was enough.
Why are you still here? You have wisdom to apply. If you are hesitating to take your eyes away from my words and holiday themed photo, go check your mailbox I have sent you a card.
How did I do this act of near magic?
Magic, that's how.
His mystic training began at the age of four when he was accidentally left behind in the jungle while on a family vacation. Through a series of unlikely events he was eventually adopted by the local natives and trained to be a tribal shaman. After many years, Dr. Holmesnow left the familiarity and safety of the jungle to search for his family.
When he did not find them he climbed a mountain and was nearly killed in the process. The local mystic monks from the ancient monastery found him and nursed him back to health. This near death experience led him to conclude that there was more to life than what he learned from his shaman jungle training. He then began to immerse himself in the ancient mystical practices of the mountain monks. After many years he mastered them and returned to civilization. Forever changed, eternally superior.
Several weeks later he was no longer Hugo Holmesnow, son of incompetent parents. He was and, is The Rev. Dr. Holmesnow, certified life coach and inventor of the “Better Than You Superior Life Coaching System”. This system provides proven methods and techniques that are part of an overall method which contains the strategies that you need to excel, advance, achieve, attain, reach and conquer your dreams, goals, fears, hopes and desires.
In addition to creating a system of self-improvement, Holmesnow is the author of “What is Wrong With You? An Introduction to What is Wrong With You” and “Conquer Your Dreams: Defeat Your Dreams and Accomplish Your Goals”. Both are available now at Amazon in paperback and e-book formats.