Another Word From Our Sponsor: The Rev. Dr. Hugo Holmesnow Presents: 5 Emails That Will Alter Your Life And They Are Free Installment Number 2

Hello internet user/seeker of wisdom. How is your quest to evolve going? Would you like to hear about an exciting new Email course, that is FREE? I know how important free is to you, I just didn't know that you were also so lazy in addition to being cheap.

Honestly, it's not like you have written a 10,000-word long five-part course about how YOU can obtain a more balanced and enlightened state. I did. I have written it FOR you. FOR FREE. 

It is not for me, I am already well balanced and am content with the level of my enlightened state. 

All you had to do was enter an email address into a box and you would have received five emails of profound life improving wisdom. You can not even do that, so I gave you lesson one here, delivered it to you like I was a metaphysical pizza man. It was my hope that upon seeing the first lesson for free without exerting any effort, you would see the error of your ways and sign up for the course.

This has not happened because you are very stubborn and cling to your ignorance like a baby to a pacifier.

I, however, am not stubborn. I am patient. I am persistent. Here is lesson two, sign up for the course when you are done reading it:

Dear Broken Soul,

I am sure that you are still feeling the effects of Lesson One, that is good news. My wisdom is sometimes difficult to absorb, some of you may be experiencing mental or physical discomfort. Do not panic, this is just a side effect of your old opinions being broken down and replaced with my words and wisdom. The internal vibrational rehabbing you are experiencing is the first step towards wholeness. I am glad that you have taken that first step because we are on the second step and performing steps in the wrong order is embarrassing. The path of evolution is paved with enough embarrassment as it is without you clumsily heaping more on yourself.

That being said, let us proceed to Lesson Two which antecedes Lesson One, which you have recently finished reading and absorbing. I will remind you that you are not intended to rush through these lessons, but rather slowly experience them until all of the droplets of wisdom and insight are lapped up into your mind. We will, of course, be following the same format established in Lesson One. Without further boohoo, here are:


The First Sub-Heading Of Wisdom: Your Thinking Process is Producing Nothing But Thought Turds

That is right, you have heard me. I am declaring the inside of your head to be full of thoughts that are no different from the second most common end result of the digestive process.

Last lesson you learned to pay attention to your thoughts and to stop hitting yourself with unsaid words. If you have been doing your suggested activities you should have noticed by now that your thoughts are not worth thinking, let alone taking seriously.

What you think is the end result of HOW you think. I don't know why it is that this is not obvious to everyone, but truth does not have to be obvious, just true. If what you think is wrong then that is because how you think is also wrong. You cannot change your thoughts without changing how you think.

Suggested Activity For This Sub-Heading Of Wisdom: Abandon your worldview and thought system and replace them with more viable options.

 The Second Sub-Heading Of Wisdom: Your Bedroom And Computer Desktop Are Mirrors Into Your Soul

I have a saying that I tell my Alchemy students. You did not know that I am a master of  Inner Alchemical Transmutations? That is because, until now, I did not formally announce my expert status in this ancient field of transformational wisdom. I have waited until now to do so. But enough of me and my accomplishments and back to me and my sayings.

As I was saying, I have a saying which I used to tell only to my Alchemy students but now will share with you. That saying is "What is within, is what is without. That which is above is that which is below." What does this have to do with your bedroom and computer desktop? Did you not read and comprehend the saying? Did you just read it and forgo comprehending it? Why would you do that? Read the saying again and this time comprehend it so you do not interrupt me with inane inquiries.

A person with an erratic and destructive thought pattern will lack the willpower to keep their surroundings orderly. This tendency will logically extend to that same person's computer hygiene habits.

How a person treats their personal environments is a perfect mirror from which reflects the state of their mental processes. Your room is just as cluttered as your mind and soul. They are reflections of each other, as I have said. Honestly, I feel I am beating a dead horse here.

Suggested Activity For This Sub-Heading Of Wisdom: Clean your room and reformat your hard drive. Wear a special robe while doing so, this will invite the spirit of magic into the process and transform it into a ritual of considerable power.

The Third Sub-Heading Of Wisdom: Journaling, The Power Of The Written Word

Journaling your thoughts is a great way to un-clutter one's mind and gain some perspective about one's current situation. However, there is a dark side to this practice that is rarely discussed. You know what I am talking about. A journal can be used to reinforce negative patterns and lend credence to internal lies, making evolution more (instead of less) difficult. This is not good. I have developed a way to prevent this from happening to you. If you suspect that your journal, and by extension of reflection, and yourself have become or are becoming more evil, try reading your journal as if it belonged to another person. Be VERY judgemental about it. Pull no punches when mocking the person whose words you are reading. Just ask yourself :"What kind of person would write such trash and call it personal reflection in the name of self-growth?" Answer and you will know that you are talking the truth about yourself.

The shock of seeing yourself as a purveyor of mental and emotional pornography will launch your head out of your soul sphincter with enough force to knock over a large mammal. If you do not believe me, I suggest you acquire a large mammal and try it out for yourself. There is a group of South American tribesmen who have used this technique to hunt until they became so self-aware that they evolved past the need to eat. Do not worry about that happening to you, you have other evolutionary needs. 

Suggested Activity For This Sub-Heading Of Wisdom: Keep a journal and keep an eye on it to make sure it does not become evil.

You must be feeling drained and perhaps a bit sleepy from absorbing all of the above life-altering improvement techniques. I believe you would benefit a great deal from taking a short nap before cleansing your bedroom and computer desktop of toxic influences. See you soon ;)

Your Friend,