Mysticial Merwin Pet Psychic/Psychic Pet March 2018



Dear Merwin,

I have to tell you something so weird but I'm afraid that if I do it'll make me seem so weird that you won't take me, my pet iguana William, or my question seriously. With that in mind, here's my question: Can iguanas do math? 
Embarrassed in England


Dear Embarrassed,
This happens more often than you know. Please, there is no need to feel embarrassed. The reason this is happening to you is very simple. Some would say embarrassingly so, but not me. Iguanas can only do easy arithmetic problems and they have no way of letting you, or anyone else, know about it because they use different numbers and hate interspecies knowledge sharing. What you seem to have is an !guana, the new iguana shaped super calculator from Crabapple Computing Co.

See? Simple. Funny too. This is a good opportunity to take a few minutes and practice learning how to laugh at yourself.
Thanks for writing! 

As Always, I Remain,
Merwin


Dear Merwin,
Is it normal for a pet bunny's eyes to turn a burning, unholy red while being fed? Because that's what happens to my Mr. Nibbles almost every day. I'm OK with it since it doesn't try to hurt or eat me, it just looks hella weird. My mom doesn't like it either and, while I can't say I blame her, I can say she's annoying. She's always screaming and inviting clergy people over for tea. They rarely take her up on the offer and when they do, they always run away screaming. Is there anyway to make it or my mom stop? Because I'm about to lose it.

Irritated in India


Dear Irritated,
No this is not normal and can indicate a host of troublesome conditions ranging from demonic possession to being tired. I tried WebMDfc.com (Web M.D. for Cats- yes it's a thing.) and it didn't really help much, so I went to the Catstral Plane to see what I can find out and I found out that Mr. Nibbles is, in reality, Gargosboooth, an ancient force of evil bent on the destruction of the universe and everything in it. Don't worry about it too much though, I went ahead and preformed the necessary banishing, binding, and exorcism rituals for you. If it starts happening again the only thing you need to do is dunk him in some Florida Water a few times and the demon will shoot right out.   

As Always, I Remain,
Merwin


Dear Merwin,
While I have no pets myself, my mother (who lives with me) has ten cats. The cats don't currently live with us for legal reasons. I can't really say any more about it. Something about the recent election, blah, blah, collusion...I don't know- I'm a hairdresser. International intrigue is rarely part of my work day. Point is, Mother doesn't get to spend enough time with her cats (she doesn't have a high enough security clearance) and I was hoping you could tell me how they were doing so I could then tell her? It would make her day.

Thanks!
A Decent Daughter in Denmark


Dear Decent,
I visited your mother's cats, as you asked, and am afraid I have nothing to report beyond the fact that they are alive and healthy. They also miss you and your mother but there's nothing they can do about it until the proceedings are over. I hope that helps!

As Always, I Remain, 

Merwin



Merwin Smith has been a professional psychic pet his entire life. Even though he realized his gifts at an early age, he didn't start pet psychic-ing professionally until 20 years ago.He quickly became the darling of the pet psychic scene and was one of the most requested readers at "The Psychic Pet Pet Psychic Shack". If you have a question about your pet, you can email Merwin at: merwin@saturdayeveningghost.com

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