Star Mistress Stella, Master of Stars April 2018




Dear Ones,

Easter fools day has come and gone, yet here we are sitting in the field, being warmed from the inside out by the generous Sun while we wait for the Dandelions to pop up so we can eat them. Not in a mean way, but in a "Hey flower, we're all part of one unified glowing ball of love, so let me chew ya up and by you I mean me- we're all one, we're all love" kind of way. I don't know what I was thinking when I was messing around with all that wine and those pain pills when all I needed to get my shit together and manifest my true inner love power was a two week MDMA experience with a qualified psychedelic counselor. I just took a shit ton about an hour ago btw. Oh, the stars stopped by and they have some messages for you, I almost forgot- overwhelming bliss will  do that do a girl. Puuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrr, purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


Aries- This month the stars want you to sleep all wrapped up in a blanket that just came out of the dryer, 'cause those are the best and you're the best. They are even willing to lend you an angel who will keep warming your blankets in the dryer and replacing them for you all night long.

Taurus- Food fight! Cosmic food fight coming your way! Don't try to participate, this is way out of your league. Instead, try curling up next to the open window and just feeling it. Like, really feel it. It's all out there, it's beautiful, and it's yours- what are you waiting for?

Gemini- Drinking water is the best when it's cold and getting shot out of an expensive fountain. It's so good. So crisp and clean. Mmmmmmmmm, I call feel the very essence of refreshment coursing through me. It's a blessing. Everything's a blessing and everyone's blessed.

Cancer- Good goddess, you guys taste so good. All grilled up and dripping in butter. Some people say lobster is better, but not me. Try not to be so delicious, you'll still be as popular as ever, it's just that no one will try to eat you.

Leo- You're so smart.

Virgo- You smell good, can I touch your hair just a little?

Libra- Pet me hard so I can feel alive gain.

Scorpio- I'm so thirsty. My heart is beating awfully fast. How is yours doing?

Sagittarius- You have a bow and arrows! That's so cool. I always wanted one of my own, but my mom said "NO!! You'll never have one". Your mom didn't say that though, now look at you! Half horse and wholly yourself. Wow. You did good and you're doing great. Wow.

Capricorn- Why couldn't I have a bow and arrow mom? Is it because I'm a cat? THEY HAVE SPECIAL ONES FOR CATS YOU WHORE! You never loved me as much as you loved your cat nip. THAT'S WHY I'M THE WAY I AM? Oh my, oh my, I don't feel so good.

Aquarius- Just sit down and sob. Don't get up until you're done. Just sit there. Who cares that your mom is a whore who wouldn't let you have a bow and arrow? Who cares?

Pisces- That's some serious shit, eh fish face? Jeez, no wonder you guys drink so much. How do I get outta here when there's no door?



Star Mistress Stella, Master of Stars has been practicing astrology and living in her uncle’s attic since 1978. In addition to her astrology practice Star Mistress Stella, Master of Stars sells handmade soaps and footmade lotions at local farmer’s markets.

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