The Adventures of Jimmy Jam and Sally Slam: The Birthday Sham Pt. 4



GrandFather's pipe hit the floor slightly ahead of his head, which hit and bounced off the pipe with a thud a second or so later. He tried to struggle back to his feet, but slumped over in defeat. Freak Andy smiled and snapped his fingers. Two goblins and a giant spider entered the house. The spider spun a web around GrandFather, while the goblins helped. When the spider finished, it shrunk down to the size of a regular spider and climbed up on Freak Andy's shoulder. The two goblins took GrandFather out to the Van. Freak Andy followed and didn't even bother to shut the door on his way out.

While all that was happening, Gustav was stopped at an intersection, waiting for the light to change to green. He knew Jimmy and Sally were in danger, possibly grave danger, but that didn't mean it was OK to disregard the motor vehicle code and in the process possibly endanger more innocent people. Safe and steady has always been Gustav's motto, and he saw no reason to switch it today.

The light turned green and Gustav slowly and steadily pushed down on the gas pedal and began to cross the intersection. Half way through, much too late to be of any use to him, he noticed a purple hearse speeding towards his passenger side door. Before he could clear the intersection the hearse plowed into his car, spinning it around three times before it drifted into a lamppost with a crunchy, smashy sort of noise.

Somewhere between the second and third spin, Gustav's head smacked into the steering wheel and he faded from this waking world. His last thought was of Nancy's smile and whether or not he'd ever see it again. His next-to-last thought was about how glad he was that this happened before he picked up Anne.

The offending car sped off and Gustav sat unconcious, slumped over his dashboard, blood leaking out of his nose. Sirens were going off and everyone on the street was pointing and yelling, but not helping. An ambulance eventually arrived but there was something funny about the EMTs that everyone one who saw them failed to notice. They were shorter than the usual crew. They had orange hair and nasty teeth. One carried a dagger. The driver was a giant spider. Not a soul noticed as Gustav was taken out of his car and whisked away to somewhere that definitely wasn't a hospital.

Anne's doorbell rang a little sooner than she thought it would. She placed her tea on the table and stood to answer it.

"Well, huh, that was pretty quick," she said with more than a spoonful of suspicion in her voice. She looked at her backpack full of her magickial attire and thought about bringing her wand with her. After a moment's hesitation, she decided against it. After all, today's cars are much faster than those from her youth, and who even knew how traffic lights worked? How could she even accurately calculate how long it would take for her ride to arrive?

Her thoughts were interrupted by another knocking at the door. It was louder and more insistent this time. Almost frantic and with the enthusiasm of a child who really knows the answer and is raising their hand extra hard.

"Geez, give a gal a minute would ya?" Anne thought before saying: "Coming!!" a little too loud. She followed up with "ya goof," which was nearly whispered. The door exploded before she could answer. The explosion was as loud as all the 4th of July fireworks going off at the same time. Glass flew through the air, narrowly missiing Anne's face. She didn't notice though. She was too busy covering her ears and clamping her eyes shut.
When she opened them, Freak Andy was standing in front of her. She let out a gasp and reached for her wand, which she realized too late was in the kitchen.

Freak Andy smiled. His lips parted to expose a mouth full of rotting yelling and black teeth. "Hello dear sister," he snarled. Anne went pale and staggered back. Her brother's smile got even bigger as he grabbed Anne by her collar and punched her in the face. He let her fall, and was rewarded with a heavy thud.

Andy smiled, even though he wasn't happy. He was satisfied with himself and felt validated, but those are different from happiness. He felt like he had accomplished something today, but that wasn't happiness either. He couldn't have happiness because he didn't want it. The only feelings available to him were anger, hate, self pity, sadness, satisfaction, and feeling validated. That's why he was so mean all the time; people need to have more than six feelings in order to be healthy.

A tiny spider jumped off of Freak Andy's shoulder and by the time it landed on the floor it was giant again. The spider spun Anne up in its web and when it was done it shrunk again and returned to its master's shoulder. Freak Andy carried the unconscious body of his sister out to his van and tossed her into the back like she was nothing more than a cheap sack of onions. If she had been conscious, she might have wondered why GrandFather was also wrapped in spider webs and lying unconscious in a van next to her instead of trying to stop Freak Andy's as of now unknown but surely evil plan.

Officer Nancy Newton sat at her desk and refreshed her email for the tenth time that second.

"Shoot," she muttered to herself, "why won't he reply? It's been an entire half hour. That's not like him."

She was, of course, referring to Gustav, who couldn't reply to his emails because he was unconscious and imprisoned by Freak Andy.

Nancy tried to formulate a theory as to why Gustav's response time to her emails went from less than 30 seconds to over an entire half hour but couldn't think of a reasonable reason for his behavior. This wasn't like him. Usually he would reply to her emails as soon as he got them by saying "I got your email! I'm going to read it and reply now. Thank You!"

Nancy was pulled from worried thouguhts by an "A-hem, hmmt hmmt," series of throat clearings coming from in front of her desk.

She looked up sheepishly. "...Yes, Captain Jerkinton?"

"Officer Newton, my office. Now." Captain Jerkinton said matter of fact-ly, without annoyance or anger before turning and walking into his office. Nancy followed and sat down in front of her boss's desk. She felt like she was about to get punished even though she hadn't done anything wrong.

"Officer Newton, you do know Gustav Jenkins, correct?"

"Yes sir, I do. Is that some sort of problem?"

"No, no, but something happened."

"Something bad?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Oh. Dear."

Captain Jerkinton went on to explain that Gustav's car was found smashed into a lamppost. Then he explained how Gustav had disappeared and wasn't in any of the local hospitals. Nancy told the Captain all about the Society, and the Supernatural Disaster Hotline, and everything else she knew. This wasn't much, but it was more than anyone else knew and was just enough to be helpful.

"We're well aware of the nature of the recent supernatural disturbances," Captain Jerkinton explained. "We're just not sure what to do about them. Awareness isn't enough. We need to do something and we're not prepared to battle monsters, just robbers."

"My cousin's friend is a witch. I could call her and...see if she can help?"

"That's a good start, Lieutenant Newton."

"Excuse me sir?"

"You're the only one on the force who knows anything about this Magick stuff. You're being promoted and placed in charge of the Supernatural Disturbances Unit. The SBU. Effective immediately."

"Th-thank you sir! I won't let you down."

"I know, that's why I chose you."

Lieutenant Newton returned to her desk unsure of how to proceed. She decided to start her investigation by calling the Supernatural Disaster Hotline. Pleased with her decision, she picked up the phone and dialed the number Gustav had given her. The phone on the other end rang, but no one was there to answer. That's not exactly true. There were people there to answer the phone, it's just that Freak Andy's Goblins had tied them all up and locked them in the basement.

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