The Saturday Morning Ghost June 30, 2018 Edition

Hey, Kids (and Kid Like),

It's me, T. Volpone. Your buddy and head writer for the SMG. Usually, the Saturday Morning Ghost is a place for jokes and puzzles. It's a fun little break from homework and yelling moms. Not today. Ain't no puzzles. Ain't no jokes, unless you're counting my life. Please don't.

It's mostly this.

I don't know how to tell you kids this so I'm just gonna get it out. Being big sucks. All the cool stuff we get to do- like drive cars and go into bars and join the circus doesn't get to happen all that often. Nah, there's no freedom in being big, only an endless string of senseless obligations that slowly strip the magick from the world until there's nothing left but an intense desire for the sweet relief of death.

You're a kid. You still believe in things. The world didn't have a chance to disappoint you yet, but it will. So you better hang on to this sweet time. Cling to it like a 40-year-old single woman clings to her wineglass. Don't let it go. Don't lose the magick.

and/or this

We here at the SEG would love nothing more than to sit around all day making up things for you to laugh at, but we can't.

You know why we can't? Because we have to work 12 hours a day dropping food off at lazy people's houses, that's why. Do your parents ever get pizza delivered? They're lazy. God bless 'em. I bet they have. Did you know that everytime someone knocks on your door and hands you food they are doing that because every one of their dreams, hopes, and goals has shriveled up like an ant under a magnifying glass?

Don't think about that too much. Just think about this: Every big person you see wishes they were a kid like you. That gives you the upper hand.

I'm not saying you shouldn't grow up. I'm saying you should grow up so hard you get to stay a kid. It's up to you to figure out how to do that. So get busy, you're running out of time. You'll never know when you go out to play for the last time.

Maybe next 5th Saturday well have some clowns come in and dance around, maybe.

Stay Cool, Stay Small,

The SMG Staff