Today is a day for crying out to the heavens for mercy. A day for begging, if not to the gods themselves, then surely to those they have entrusted the power to control the climate, for, in these so-called “Dog Days” of summer, there is no hope and faith withers like unpicked fruit on the vine. The gods demand begging and lamentations, and I am not one to refuse them.
If the singing of historic feline sagas in the dead of the night fails to sway the heart of the housemaster, if after biting ankles and scratching claves, the hand that rules will not submit and still refuses to turn the thermostat down, what more can be done?
I do not know. The stars do not know either for they are too hot to give messages. Stars are normally hot, so you know it must be super hot if it's too hot for them to send messages. They love sending messages, it gets to be too much sometimes.
Anyway, since the stars are still being jerks, here are some messages I found when I stopped taking my meds:
Aries- You'll never learn as long as you insist on not going to school. Some things are obvious. Some things are art.
Taurus- Do you even know what you are looking at? I mean really. Snap out of it.
Gemini- Instead of continuing to steal pies from the window sill, why not learn how to bake them yourself? It's a simple question, no need to get so roused up.
Cancer- Sadly, no matter how much you love that pet rock of yours isn't going to love you back. Don't believe me?
Leo- Summertime. Is the living easy or are you just too afraid to be honest with yourself?
Virgo- Roses are red, Virgos are blue, there's no one in the world who cares about you.
Libra- Have you ever thought about, just, how big the universe is? You really shouldn't, unless you have a flashlight, two packs of rubber bands, a new toothbrush, and three nickles. Faires told me that.
Scorpio- Every try not being a jerk? Give it a try and let me know how it goes, I'd like to try it out, but I'm not an early adopter.
Sagittarius- Do you have a dog? If so, why not write a children's book about it? Your dog is special and will make you rich if only you can find the courage to follow your heart.
Capricorn- You're at the point where you should know better but you don't. So where does that leave you exactly?
Aquarius- I'm sorry to say it' going to be another month of popsicles in every orifice. I'm even sorrier to say I know just how excited you are about that. Ewww.
Pisces- Listen carefully: The potato time is here.