Mystical Merwin August 2018


Dear Merwin, 
Hedgehogs make lousy pets, or at least mine does. Is there anything I can do that I’m not doing that would make his (?) life better?
Thanks!
Jill


Dear Jill, 
I spoke to Hans (that’s racist of you to name him that BTW) and he’s just the sort of fellow that’s not going to be happy anywhere, under any circumstances. Ever. No matter how many nice things you do for him. It’s not really your fault. Aside from the name and the fact that you insist on putting him in tiny hats, he has no real complaints about being your pet, in fact, he’s happy about it. It’s just that he has little happiness to give.

As Always, I Remain,
Merwin


Dear Merwin,
Are you just a pet psychic or do you do all animals? I have a question, but it’s not about a pet, it’s about the birds in my backyard. I put a birdbath in my backyard for them but instead of using it, they dug a hole right next to it and siphoned off the water from the birdbath into it. I think that’s rude.

James “Jimmy” Jackson

Dear Jx3, 
Birds. I know all about those little bastards. There’s really nothing you can do at this point save for reinforcing your basement foundation. Birds often tunnel into basements and break everything they can to get back at people for putting birdbaths in their yards for them. Why do they hate this so much? It doesn’t take a psychic to tell you they’re insulted at the notion that they need to bathe and that nature herself didn’t provide them with enough ways to accomplish this without resorting to human charity. It doesn’t make sense to me either.

As Always, I Remain,
Merwin

Dear Merwin,
Every time I put a mouse in my snake’s cage, they become friends instead of food. It’s happened like 30 times so far. I feed the mice smaller mice and they eat them just fine, what gives.
Jacob

Dear Jacob, 
Your snake is a vegetarian. It happens. The mice are cannibal mutants that escaped from a secret facility and were sold to a pet store as part of a global cover-up. Everything will be fine in a few months. The mice will either die off or get bored and leave. Get your snake some tofu and a subscription to Audible and let it do its thing.
As Always, I Remain,
Merwin




Merwin Smith has been a professional psychic pet his entire life. Even though he realized his gifts at an early age, he didn’t start pet psychic-ing professionally until 20 years ago. He quickly became the darling of the pet psychic scene and was one of the most requested readers at “The Psychic Pet Pet Psychic Shack”. If you have a question about your pet, you can email Merwin at: merwin@saturdayeveningghost.com

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