I have a problem that’s kind of embarrassing. Normally I don’t do things like this and I don’t know how it happened this time but it did. I fell in love with the Thanksgiving turkey and couldn’t bring myself to serve it for dinner. The weird part about this is that it is a frozen turkey, not a living one. It should have no love to give, yet I feel feelings I’ve never felt for a human before.
What should I do? Is there any chance my turkey feels the same way about me? Can a cross-species romance work when one partner is dead?
Last name and location withheld by request for what should be oblivious reasons.
No, it can’t work. What is wrong with you for even asking? What you have on your hands is an abomination, an affront to the very concept of love. I should contact the proper authorities but there was no return address on your letter, indicating to me that you know how wrong and gross you are. I hope you are stopped before you hurt someone.
Last week my dog started looking at me funny and hasn’t stopped. It’s more than a little creepy and I don’t know how to make him stop. I tried saying “Stop!” But it didn’t work the way I thought it would.
I tried to contact your dog but was blocked from doing so by some sort of force field. Has your dog been hanging out with evil wizards by any chance? The only other time I’ve ever encountered a force field like that, it was an evil wizard. I’d take your pooch down to the local magick shop and have him checked out. Make sure that the store spells magic with a “K” or else your dog will end up learning card tricks, which isn’t going to help.
My dog got hit by a car and went to dog heaven. I was sad for a while but then Spotty started showing up in my dreams. We play and cuddle and it’s great. When I told my mom she said it was just my imagination and not really Spot. When I told my dad he just shook his head and asked me to leave him alone.
Is my dog really visiting me in my dreams or am I just being a dumb kid again?
Lil’ Rick Elkton, MD
Dear Lil’ Rick,
Dogs do this all the time. There’s nothing dumb about you. You’re just not dead on the inside like your parents seem to be. I hope you enjoy your extra time with your dog and don’t let anyone talk you out of believing the world isn't full of magic and wonder.
He quickly became the darling of the pet psychic scene and was one of the most requested readers at “The Psychic Pet Pet Psychic Shack”.
If you have a question about your pet, you can email Merwin at: firstname.lastname@example.org